Court is in session. Wake up! Sit up! The defense is speaking up.
"Let the court note that in the case of World vs. Saudi, the defense refers to evidence, exhibit A: An overview autopsy of a subject carrying a green-colored travel document showing a palm tree crossed with 2 swords (Notre Dame's bells toll away in the courtroom).
"According to the autopsy, the subject is made of bone, muscle, fat, organs, skin; has a respiratory, reproductive and digestive system. The subject's been scientifically categorized as a homo sapien!". (Gasps and groans shudder the courtroom)
"Order! Order!" hammers the judge, "or I'll have you all held in contempt! Let the defense continue!" (Bravo your honor. Doesn't the world always hammer the subject on trial here, and anyone similar - with unconditional contempt? The world is an order-less court! Hence this case of World vs. Saudi!).
"Thank you, your honor. As you all know biologically, humans are classified as the species Homo sapiens (Latin for "thinking man").
Humans define themselves as biological, social, and spiritual beings. So this Saudi, like every Homo sapien in and outside this courtroom was conceived, carried and delivered by Homo sapiens. Notions of Immaculate Conception also have been dismissed. The subject, a hot-blooded mammal, is human!" (Thumps and plumps of weak-hearted bodies hit the court floor, smelling salts - to the rescue, are smuggled up nasal canals!).
"Also this human, like you and me, walks on two legs (NOT hind legs); talks (NOT barks or roars) via a mother tongue, usually 'Arabic'; has a facial entry point known as a mouth.
"In fact, people of the jury, the mouth, naturally framed by 'lips' does not generate any angelic notes. In its company you do not encounter any offset of demonic sounds that bang against the insides of your brain; nor do you experience any grand cloud-protruding soprano that infiltrates your inner cerebral linings.
"People of the jury, the mouth now ajar: Tell me, do you see any fangs? See any light beams shooting out? I think not.
"When hungry, this human caters to a human appetite like others inhabiting the earth's East and West. No cannibalistic inclinations, nor does it survive on any other astral elements.
"This human has brain, has a mind of its own which hosts various and diverse opinions, information, ideologies, cognitive process etc. but nevertheless human-based. Also found was your same share of temperament, emotions, instincts, desires, pet peeves and reflexes". (You didn't just bong his knee, did you? Of course you're in agony, why he kicks like a ball-player! Never mind, think of it as a free vasectomy!)
"Watch closely now as Dr. Frankenstein firmly pricks this human subject" (The courtroom erupts, benches topple over as shrieking people climb each other and run for their lives making for the exits. A Mrs. Screaming and Ms. Lord-have-mercy-on-our-souls are dragged out of the courtroom. The judge hammers, "Order! Order!" with one hand while SWISH! SWOSH, mops the sweat leaking down his face with the other).
"QUIET!" the judge roars. Then after a moment of composure: "Carry on".
Dr. Frankenstein holds up the blood sample.
"No green acid fluid. Ridley Scott's 'Alien' is not among us! In fact continued bleeding could lead to its demise. I now cast sunlight upon it. See? The body remains intact and does NOT evaporate into ashes.
"For the record the wound won't heal with the utterance of a prayer or any other unearthly mantra. Medical treatment is compulsory".
"Homo sapiens of the jury, I hold up a mirror to you all and state an Encyclopedia-Britannica fact that this Saudi Being is Human!
"Having established what should be a given, I ask you, who claim to be fellow humans and Muslims of East and West...
What on earth, qualifies your assumption that every native of this origin is a terrorist-in-waiting, bagging a bomb or any other explosive notion?
"What source on earth validates your expectation that here is the perfect manifestation of Islam and accordingly, every Saudi its idol? What on earth permits you to subject every national to your alleged 'random security checks' (The whole courtroom, Britney Spears' lead vocal jumps up shouting "Oops I did it again!") or to expect more 'Islamically-than thou' conduct?
"Here is but a country with earth-based geographical details and its share of issues. All is not hell. This is no Hades. That is mere Greek mythology! This is no 'Kingdom of Heaven.' That was just a movie!
"Shave off the hair, remove traditional and spiritual bearings if you must. Look: No horns and no halo!
"Travelers to this land return to their homelands, mostly intact. You are not venturing into any Conradian 'Heart of Darkness' when coming to this locality. Gulliver, during his travels did not identify this country as 'Land of the Houyhnhnms' where Swiftian 'Yahoos' also roam!
"Upon your arrival, you are not received with a Guantanamo vengeance. Mystical spirits do not welcome you to any Eden once your feet touch our soil. This land did not inspire Belinda Carlisle's song 'heaven is a place on earth'.
"You will not find your missing weapons of mass destruction camouflaged in any above-average male facial hair. (At this, Monsieur Charles Perrault and his "La Barbe Bleue"-'Bluebeard left the courtroom). The traditional garb 'abaya' is no poisoned silk. We are not men or women of any cloth.
"Ladies & gentlemen, I ask you to dismount your unicorns and come down to earth. This is no life-loathing colony.
"This is no Islamic utopia. It is an every 'Dick & Harry' (or Adam & Ali if you want), country. And Saudis, are its citizens.
"Mahatma Gandhi. Nelson Mandela. Malcolm X. Sting. Charles Manson. Jack the Stripper. Kofi Annan. Martin Luther King.
"Will I meet them in you because you share the same passport? Is such a presumption justified? Is any act or expectation, based on presumption, validated?
"Do you meet Jesus in every Christian? Abraham in every Jew? So you expect Muhammad (peace be upon all prophets) or his companions in every Saudi because...?
"Is someone better or worse for the passport they carry? Were the English better than the Scots? (Mel Gibson and William Wallace, storm out of the courtroom, their kilts whipping their legs, their brave hearts pounding their bosoms.) The French better than the North Africans? The Italians better than the Libyans? Did humanity learn nothing from colonial history?
"Humans are not books and yet, book cover judgments are flung without a second thought... when it comes to us, Saudis.
"Get off your high-horses. And for the record and the last time: NO, I did not come to court on a camel! To your senses, for the love of God, will you finally COME? And again for the record, I do not live in a palace, do not even have a garden, let alone an oil well in my backyard!
"The human condition is a house of glass. And 'he who lives in a house of glass,' should he or should he NOT 'throw stones'?
"Edward Said's words fall upon deaf ears, that "all knowledge is interpretation, and that interpretation must be self-conscious in its method and its aim if it is to be vigilant and humane, if it is also to arrive at knowledge'.
"Presumptions. Expectations. Judgments. Labels. Bias interpretations.
"Stereotyping. 'Exterminate the brutes!'
"The stones you throw are barely few...
"Having told you what I am. Where does that leave you?"
Court adjourned indefinitely: A hung jury. Typical.
Arab News
